My Granny's Pet Lu Bu
by Wandex System
Summary: It's the Dynasty Warriors summer camp in Russia. The only person in charge of them all is my Granny Olya,infamous for her love to washing,cleaning and tidying up... And educating those spoiled seven-year-old brats. Review!
1. Chapter 1

My Granny's Pet Lu Bu

Chapter 1

Zhou Yu jumped down the stairs and opened the door into the girls' room and shouted:

"YAY,girls,it's breakfast time!"

Xiao Qiao yawned and looked at him sleepily.

"Leave me alone,Yu..."

"BUT it's breakfast time!"Zhou Yu yelled happily,"And we have omelette!You better hurry,or else,you know,that contest between Xu Zhu and Zhang Fei..."

"AAAAAY!"Yue Ying squeaked,"Shame on Yu! How dare you enter the girls room?"

"I...oh..."the strategist turned over,"I'm not even looking..."

And then Granny Olya came.

"Girl!"she said angrily,"Girl!GIRL!"

Zhou Yu was scared.

"YEAH YOU! The pigtail one!"

"I...well,I'm a BOY,you know,"he mumbled.

"I DON'T CARE! How dare so loudly you woke up my Lu Bu,"Lu Bu peered out from somewhere behind Granny Olya," the girls' room..."

"YEAH!"Yue Ying agreed.

"AND 're late for breakfast!"she ended.

"S-sorry,"Zhou Yu stuttered.

" You have a two for behavior,"Granny grinned evilly. (A/N: 2 is the lowest possible mark in the Russian educational system,5 is the highest possible. Including + and -,of course.)

Zhou Yu sighed. Now his only chance to beat Zhuge Liang at school was lost...

Granny Olya poured the tea into everybody's cups,with the poor Wu Strategist as her helper. She had a special chart for helpers. And Zhou Yu was number 1 there...

And then Granny left to check out her precious garden(the second thing she likes after washing and tidying everything up).

"Heeeey...'Yuan Shao said enviously,"Why is Lu Bu sitting on the ruler's place? My family is better than his..."

"YEAH!"Zhang Fei roared,"That bastard with three family names!"

"Peace,Yide,"Liu Bei said as usual.

Fengxian was sitting on his place,smilling gladly,laughing at Cao Cao,who had Lu Bu's spilt tea all over his head. Cao Cao was weeping loudly. Yue Ying was trying to get her piece of omelette back from Zhou Zhu and Zhang Fei were contesting. Zhang He was looking in the mirror with a finger in his nose. Zhuge Liang was jeering at Sima Yi's brackets. Sima Yi was throwing a huge piece of omelette at Zhuge Liang. Yuan Shao was trying to get out of the place-under-the-table,where Lu Xun had put him for boasting to much about the amount of yuans in his family.

"Yuans...not...need!Here...rubels,"Wei Yan told Yuan Shao.

"Yuan is ALWAYS needed!"the ruler insisted,"ALWAYS,see?"

And then my Granny entered the room.

"So... WHAT'S THAT MESS?"she wondered in a kind,kind,quiet voice...(her fave one,just so you know).

"He spilt his tea on my head!"Cao Cao sobbed.

"I'm nose bleeding..."Zhang He told her,trying to make all the blood drip onto the table,not on his cool new T-shirt.

"He ate my breakfast!"Yue Ying cried,as she pointed at Zhou Yu.

"I won!"Zhang Fei and Xu Zhu Said in a chorus.

"He told me I'm a bastard..."Lu Bu said,"What does it mean?.."

"He laughed at my brackets!"Sima Yi complained.(Yep,he has brackets,like me XD)

"He threw an omelette at me!"Zhuge Liang shot back.

"He said my family was not ne-e-e-e-ded..."Yuan Shao cried from under the table.

"He burnt my ear!"Liu Bei yelled.

"I burnt his ear..."Lu Xun smiled.

"I...hungry..."Wei Yan admitted.

The others were peacefully chewing their pieces of omelette(if they hadn't been consumed by Zhang Fei/Xu Zhu before),calling Cao Cao and Yuan Shao crybabies and spilling the rest of their drinks on Lu Xun. Just so that he couldn't burn everything else.

Guess what Granny Olya did? Well...

Do you like it? Yes? No? Review please! I'll continue this...tomorrow... Never knows.


	2. Chapter 2

My Granny's Pet Lu Bu

Chapter 2

did many things at a time:

Washed Cao Cao's head. She did it with great pleasure... Everybody saw Cao Cao's blond hair with astonishment. Cao Cao showed everybody a very proud smile,after which my granny spent twenty more minutes on cleaning his teeth.

Changed the tablecloth and washed Zhang He. Completely. Many Dynasty Warriors later bothered her to know whether Zhang He is a girl or not.

Gave Yue Ying some more omelette. It got eaten by Xu Zhu. Some more. Burnt by that pyromaniac Lu Xun. And some more. Fell right on Yuan Shao's face when he wanted to escape from under the table. Granny cried out some nice words and told Yue Ying that diet is very useful sometimes.

Gave Zhang Fei and Xu Zhu prizes. Those were papers with the following text: "Congratulations! Due to your glorious victory you shall not receive any food during the next seven days. But you can drink water though. ONLY water,Zhon Wei.(She's kinda bad at Chinese...and remembering things.)

Explained Lu Bu the meaning of the word 'bastard'. The explanation was actually the act of giving him a hug and a big,red candy horse and telling that Zhang Fei isn't the person even to be listened to.

Made Sima Yi show her his braces. Laughed out loudly. Was astonished by the condition of his teeth. Attempted to clean them. Failed,'cause he scratched her REALLY hard. Cut his fingernails. Sima Yi spent 10 minutes weeping,until Zhuge Liang gave him his old fan. SO old,that it was even black...

Showed Zhuge Liang a long,long tongue. Licked some omelette on his face. Cleaned Zhuge Liang up. Completely. One Sima Yi later bothered her to know whether Zhuge Liang had braces or not. Dressed Zhuge Liang up in her old green tunic. Tied it up with my white ribbon. Took a photo and sent it to Koei. The photo was gladly accepted as his second costume for DW6...

Told Yuan Shao that his family wasn't needed indeed. Took the weeping Yuan Shao into the bathroom. is actually why he has WHITE hair in DW6... See,my Granny designed the game.

Washed Liu Bei. Made his ear look green because of the terrible medicine she put on it. Liu Bei was glad. He thanked her. Granny Olya kindly told Liu Bei to get lost. "Even though your name anso begins with LB,you can never match my Lu Bu! He has FEATHERS,see?.."

Slapped Lu Xun. He burnt my Summerhouse. Zhuge Liang said that it's not a big loss,since it had no Wi-Fi. My granny slapped Zhuge Liang. You can say,she nearly slaughtered them all... That's why Lu Bu is so severe... He's her pet!

Fed Wei Yan omellete and called him Vanya. She found he resembled my younger brother very much... Well,indeed,they're both so dumb...

The Warriors found that it was not so bad in the 2nd century,after all...

"I wanna go home!"Cao Cao sobbed. And no one dared call him a crybaby.

Only Lu Bu was sucking his candy horse,staring at Granny Olya with hearts forming in his eyes. You know,Diao Chan felt so envious...

A/NPoor Dynasty Warriors... My Granny is a monstah indeed! XD


End file.
